Anti Blog
Definition: The blog of all the things that had nothing to do with our cricketing experiences and everything to do with our Nepal experiences. See also: anti-light.
CWB Volunteer Monikers
MissSaraBaig aka Homegirl
Miss Kazal
Miss Yolande Harris
Rao Bhai aka Mr Robert
How things are done in Nepal
There is only one menu per table, no matter how big your party is.
Mealtimes – morning breakfast, lunch (between 10 and 11am) and evening breakfast.
Each city you visit will bless you with Tokens of Love.
Every light bulb requires its own switch. Circuits are not allowed.
Phrases without substance
‘There’s a chance’ – used for anything from 0% to 100% chance of something happening.
‘It’s been requested’ – You may or may not get what you asked for.
‘They’re on the way’ – They could have just set out on a three hour journey or be round the corner.
‘It’s possible’ – interchangeable with ‘There’s a chance.’
‘Small things’ – Everything is as it should be apart from ‘small things.’
‘More minutes’ – when you ask if something is 10 minutes away, but it is further. You will never find out how much further…
‘Not available’ – amongst the myriad of items on your single menu, this will be the status of many.
‘Five minutes’ – How long you must wait for something, can be anything up to an hour.
‘It’s ok’ – means it is anything but ok. ‘La La La’ can also be used in this situation.
The Noises of Nepal
- A broken cockerel attempting to crow on the stroke of midnight.
- Dogs fighting (we think) outside your hotel window from 10pm to 5am.
- A rousing karaoke rendition of ‘I Want To Break Free’ in a ‘not yet opened’ restaurant.
- Doug and Co paving roads between 8pm and midnight
- The crash of your luggages falling off the roof rack mid journey.
- The best version of Sweet Child of Mine in existence. Link available on request.
- Knowing when your drinks are arriving as the waiter shuffles in, refusing to let his sliders break contact with the floor.
Places to visit
The Zym – a session which may require a post exercise visit to the hospital.
The Fiss Pond – a water feature.
A board watching expedition where you will be told you have seen many big, intermediate and small boards, including –
- Little, intermediate and great egret
- Red wattle lapwing
- Spotted dove
- Blue throated barbet
- Black footed oriole
- Black drongo
- Grey headed century flycatcher
- Red vented bulbal
- Full crested oodpecker
- Jungle babbler
- Common mynah
- Grey throated martin
- River lapwing
- Little cormorant
- Tailor bird
- Grey back strike
- Several other miscellaneous oodpeckers
Foodings and Lodgings
You may order 11 eggs for the table and end up with 24 as they only come in pairs.
*Disclaimer 10 were for an unnamed individual, who ended up eating 16 eggs and six slices of toast.
You may stay in a hotel translated to the Carrot Palace and will see sculptures of avocados and butternut squashes in the city.
Your hotel may also have a window that looks into the corridor.
You may be offered porriz for breakfast.
Your bathroom may not have a ceiling.
Or a sink, hot water, drainage, toilet roll or a soap tray.
But it will have empty paint buckets, unfinished fittings, AC cables, and exposed wiring.
Photo ID may be required to get a new towel.
Your cutlery may be disguised as a voodoo doll.
There will be wardrobes with no hangers or hanging space but handles at different levels.
Jobs in Nepal
A cricket Empire
A Board Watcher
An Arthur
A Nighting Guard
A Lubrication Magnate
Possible interview questions
What is your caste?
Are you married?
What is your smell?
What is your height?
What is your weight?
What is your salary?
The Sounds of Coaching
‘Listen, listen, listen.’
‘Waittttttttt.’
‘Ball down, ball down.’
‘Make a line, one line, pleaseeeee.’
‘Ma’am ma’am ma’am.’
‘Gimme bat.’
After the above you would inevitably tell them they are ‘Listening but not listening.’
Must haves
Pactor Pipty sun block
A DeeZay
Immaculate gif game
Rolling your rrrrr especially when ordering certain drinks
Things to Master
The head wobble – can mean yes, no, maybe I do not know and I am not sure. Also, any combination of the above.
The hand flick – as though you are bowling a doosra – means go.
Photo grafee skills – ‘clicking/snapping one photo’ (this is never one but can be up to seven)
Being ready with your camera when anyone shouts ‘View, view, view.’
And always, always avoid the anti-light.
Only in Nepal
Eneregy drinks – Red Blue, Max Tiger, Sting and Charged. Original Red Bull can also be purchased at selected outlets.
Bentley x Volkswagen and Bentley x Ford Behicles.
Fissing Cats.
You may get an unexpected invite to a wedding and be gifted a pink turban to represent the groom’s side.
It is impossible to get locked out of your suitcase.
A small bin on your table for the many tiny tissues you will use during a meal.
A swarm of mosquitos lingering dangerously above your head.
CWB Nepal 2023 IYKYK
Chocolate fingers.
Another one dead.
Ducation.
‘Too much talking, talking, talking.’
‘Whose shop is this?’
Prison.
Sy guy.
Co-founder.
Wet Cats.
Top 10* Tracks
- Sweet Child Of Mine
- Zombie
- Staring At The Rude Boys
- Timi Nai Hau
- I Want To Break Free
- Crazy Horses
- Girls Just Want To Have Fun
- Dirty Old Town
- Rockin’ All Over The World
- Beggin’
- Last Christmas
- Bad Boys
- Wearing My Rolex
- Teenage Dirtbag
* Like a Nepali 10 minutes, this may be slightly more than 10 Tracks
Full playlist can be requested (if you have 23 hours to kill!)
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